June 11, 2003

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apartment a mess dishes in the sink awaiting a wash floor in need of a vacuum clothes everywhere waiting for laundry books askew life on hold student calling me a jerk student witnessing to me in the parking lot trying to get to the gym work out feelings of inadequacy fool in the rain what a fool i used to be all around cats waiting for food no food in the place at all bank account looking grim communication on hold poor run and poorer workout cant get the new dan wrinkled clothes to teach in good classes bad class unmotivated at a time of needed motivation apathy procrastination waiting for mail that doesnt seem to want to arrive plaigarist.com in touble who gives a shit about poetry anyway people having their own troubles feeling impotent drained the truth is that i miss you so unlaughing plague-stricken fuck fuck fuck running-dog let it go be black hole waiting on hold please call back later leave a message get with it you miserable piece of shit yes im talking to you yes no you in the field holding what you dont have counting on what you dont need wanting what you want beyond reason turn to whiskey nicotine last call on you dude stars dont shine here white on white offers no contrast with a thing of the past mundanity the measure of existence untouched untouchable phone remains silent missed calls unreturned calls no calls at all silence and hostility and how can the sun shine a little gray day how was your day