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Old Miscellany: Fleming and Bond

Old Miscellany: Fleming and Bond

I was going through my filing cabinet this morning looking for notes on Flaubert, and I came across a file labeled “Old Miscellany.” I couldn’t pass that up. Oh the gems I found there, including some old copies of the North River News in which I had published some angry letters; some notes from my undergraduate astronomy class; a couple of handwritten essays — probably exams — one was about poetical techniques on which was written “good essay structure, but vague content”; an 1101 research paper dated 11/30/87 about a “Security Sales Worker” — the assignment apparently was to research a career you’d be interested in, and I picked that?!; some clipped comics — probably sent by Dad; notes and feedback on a speech about genetic engineering — the feedback are on bits of scrap paper, and apparently Kip was in this class with me — one of his comments was “You stud! My nipples are hard!”; and a typed essay called “Ian Fleming and James Bond.”

The latter is the oldest and clearly shows my writing acumen from an early age. I scanned it and include it below for your reading pleasure.

Ian Fleming and James Bond

It’s not exactly MLA — the margins are way off. This was obviously a copy of the original essay because it contains not one mark of praise from Mrs. Meek. I have to say, too, that her name was likely very appropriate, as I have no distinct memory of her or her class. She might have been jealous of my obvious scholarly potential evident by this first-rate work of research; she must have sensed that my academic achievements in literary studies would soon dwarf hers. Who wouldn’t recognize the rhetorical savvy of phrases like “his popularity status”; “a chap by the name of ‘Q’ produces many technological gimmicks which assist 007 in his defense of the free world”; “Bond was made a widower through funfire” (?); and “Bond had a number of cars ranging from a gray Abstom-Martian” (I wonder if that’s anything like an Aston-Martin?).

Now that I think about it, I don’t really remember anything from the eighth grade other than perhaps awkwardly passing a note to Lucy Langlois, reading Dynamite magazine, working as Ms. Farmer’s aide, and hating to “dress out” for gym class. It’s a treat to get an artifact from my life in 1983. I can’t help but see Dad’s influence in this, too. There’s quite a bit of information on guns and cars, though surely he knows that “Abstom-Martian” is incorrect. Dad, did you even proofread this for me?

I think the most impressive part of this research paper is that it really says nothing. There doesn’t seem to be an explicit thesis — unless “James Bond is cool” is an acceptable one. I’d expect, in all seriousness, that this is pretty lame for the eighth grade. Still, I was a pretty lame eighth grader, and I continued that trend throughout high school. What grade would you give me?

That’s the first installment of “Old Miscellany.” Maybe I’ll post more.

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Ha Ha?

Ha Ha?

This cartoon by Mike Luckovich was forwarded by our VPAA today, on the cusp of announced budget cuts. I wish I could say it’s funny. I think I know what tomorrow’s blog post will be about.

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The New Kindle 3

The New Kindle 3

This looks like something that every one of my students would enjoy. Finally, a technology to get even the most apathetic student reading. What can’t digital technology accomplish?

I also like their tagline: “So advanced, even illiterates can use it!”

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WCWJU

WCWJU

I’m thinking about starting a religion.

Seriously. It seems that only narratives about belief and faith get anywhere in this country these days. Facts are irrelevant — too pedestrian. Loud opinion is king, and my don’t we have plenty of it to go around? Not only do we like opinions, but we seem to relish uninformed, indignant, rude, and freakin’ loud! opinions even more, like pigs to the trough. Most of our current debates center around these types of beliefs, too. Yes, heath care is a very real problem, but it isn’t the fact of the problem that people care about, it’s the belief (a mystical flavor of opinion) about it that gets everyone so riled. You know, like religious belief.

My religion would be based around technology, more specifically computer technology. There’s already a Cult of Mac, but “cult” is such a pejorative term. I vote we make it into a full-fledged religion with all the concomitant benefits — and I’m not just talking about the material and economic ones. The narratives are already in place. We could make Apple the thing we worship, and Microsoft could be Satan and all his demonic horde. The particulars can be worked out later, and they’re not really that important. In fact, we could just as easily have chosen M$ as the entity most proper for our thoughtless devotion, but since I’m a Mac user, I’ve made Apple the arbitrary bestowers of goodness and light, and M$ the damned and execrable purveyors of sins most foul. Who is good is not really the point.

mac-pc

The Apple commercials are already allegorical. We have the Mac as the angel on your left shoulder and PC as the demon on your right. Who would you listen to? Justin Long is kind of a winy and right millennial, but John Hodgman‘s evil peecee commands my sympathy with his wry pathos. Apple’s marketing goons have done a great job with the complexity of this choice, like a medieval allegorist. Which will we choose? Well, ultimately there is no choice: we must go with the Mac if we are to achieve computing nirvana, even though its representative is as exciting as a latex-coated bible, and to me not really representative of of the holy OS.

Anyway, a new Apple religion. This is not because Apple deserves to be worshipped, but it does make sense that we’d choose a corporation to venerate in this country today. We love our stuff, and corporations know how to sell it to us. They’re like the pastor passing around the donation plate before communion, and we’re the obedient parishioners smiling while we give ten percent of our income to God before we’re rewarded with a snack. This is about right, too, if we take into consideration the computers at home, in the office, the iPods, service, upgrades, support devices, entertainment appliances, iTunes purchases. . . Ten percent might be conservative.

Still, I’m interested in the what religion signifies in this country above all of these other matters. I want to end the persecution. I want people to treat me and my choices as if they really mattered. You know, like we do for Christians. Religion is not up for debate. It’s not up for discrimination. It’s not up for rational thought. It’s about belief. I want the respect given to religion, say, by businesses and politicians. They don’t even have to understand why I have chosen to use a Mac; why I have chosen to shun Microsoft. They just need to support that decision, like they do, say, Christmas. You don’t ask questions about Xmas, do you? It’s America’s holiest corporate Christian holiday. How dare you!? You must be one of those Marxist Communists.

It’s really not so much to ask. There will be no pogroms to end Microsoft’s monopoly of the computer industry. In fact, they may still wipe us believers off the face of the digital planet. That day would be like Pope’s “universal darkness,” and I certainly hope it doesn’t come to that. Yet, the place where I work is discriminating against my religion by trying to marginalize Mac users and end their support of our platform on their network. They are not friendly toward our technological choices and would sleep much better if we would just go away. Ask them. We are just a nuisance to them, like a small band of believers were to Rome about 2000 years ago.

You don’t have to agree with me. In fact, I’m pretty sure you don’t. We are used to the discrimination of Applists, or should that be Macists? (I think I like the latter, since it sounds like Marxists, and you know that scares the shit out of people, even though they have no idea what it means.) For you non-believers, I will end with a final question: “What computer would Jesus use?”

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jackblack-263×108

Prop 8: The Musical

This video just points out the absurdity of Proposition 8 and ideologies that inform referenda like it. It reminds me of something the late, great George Carlin said (and I paraphrase poorly): right-wing anti-abortionists should be pro-gay. Who has less abortions than homosexuals?

Thanks to Becca for the original post on FB. While you’re there, sign the petition to prohibit divorce for heterosexual couples. Seems only fair.

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picture1

I Can’t Keep Up

I can’t keep up with everything that’s going on. I’m in the middle of a couple of projects, so I really haven’t had time to write, not that anyone reads my blog anyway.

Still, Palin is messing up again, and it has not escaped the media. Finally, the conservative, right-wing media is showing McCain’s running mate choice is not a good one. Her interview with Katie Couric could have gone better. I won’t say anymore; the video speaks for itself.

Oops, that was SNL, but you get the idea.

Does anyone else think John McCain treated Obama poorly during the first debate? He wouldn’t look at or listen to him. Obama is being criticized for agreeing with some of McCain’s points, while the latter sounded like a broken record: “What Obama obviously doesn’t understand…” Well, it seemed to me that Obama understood very well, and that you don’t know how to listen, McCain. You were an arrogant jerk, and I can’t imagine you as our president. Haven’t we had enough of that with Dubya? Do we really want our president to become hostile and defensive to folks who don’t agree with him? Haven’t we had enough of that with Dubya? Despite with the pundits in the elitist conservative media say: Obama was cool, gracious, smart, and victorious.

Now, they’re saying that Palin could actually win the VP debate if Biden talks down to her? Are you kidding me?

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levi_johnston

Free Levi

Bill Maher’s new rule:

If we can’t, after all is said and done, make this election go the right way, at least we can save one man. I’m talking about young Master Levi Johnston. He’s the 18-year-old Alaskan hockey enthusiast who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter, and the National Enquirer describes him as “a boozing pot-smoker who doesn’t want to get married” — and John McCain thinks he found his soul mate!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancé.” Looks a little less white trashy.

Read more at Free Levi.

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